Childhood days;

Saturday, March 24, 2007,:

be careful of what you wish for, you might just get it...

i was always been reminded of that line. but i never thought that it's true.. until recently...

for 10 months, as i've been going through some threads in the lovelife board in TeenTalk, i always told myself "how i wish my ex would want me back.." now that he wants me back, i don't know what to feel...

recently, i met this new guy, let's call him **spongebob. we're becoming close -- too close, and i'm not complaining about it. i tell him almost everything! like my friend, pao, he's someone who i can run to whenever i have the urge to rant about anything. he knows the hurt, and the sorrow that i've gone through with my ex. and he knows how hard it was for me to get over him. he was also there when i finally realized that i just let go. that i actually let go. he became my instant bestfriend.. i started to like him. i thought it's just because he's a friend of mine. but no, i kinda like him, like him. i know i should be happy with what i'm feeling, 'cause i can feel happy and smile now. pero, there's a BIG hinder. my ex is kinda wanting me back, but he doesn't..

he admitted that he misses me. he told me again and again that he still loves me. he told me he WANTS to be with me again.. but when i asked him what does he want to do? he couldn't say anything. the typical guy that i've known. every problem we had, he couldn't say anything if i ask him. where does it leave me? hanging, hanging once again. i know i could hold **spongebob's hand and have the certainty of being happy, but there's something about the past that's holding on to me. and it sucks!

remembering the time when i read something in teentalk that made me wonder "how i wish my ex would want me back... :(" now, i don't know if i ever want him back.. did i want him back 'cause girls like him? 'cause a lot of people told me how stupid i was for letting him go? 'cause the moment we were done, suddenly alot of people likes him? do i want him to be mine only? if so, i must be THAT selfish. but until now, i can't answer any of those questions.

he keeps on circling in my mind. it's not good. it's the irritable kind. i know this is what i wanted before. but do i still want this right now? i don't know. maybe, if spongebob weren't here, i might have given myself to him again. but he's here, he's beside me. like what he said "we're so close yet so far".. i'm not complaining. i'm not saying "if he weren't here.. blahblahblah.." no! 'cause i'm really happy that he came into my life. i'm really happy that i met him. i just don't know what to do, 'cause of a certain someone who's trying to get back in my life.

maybe you guys are wondering why i'm so confused since i practically told you that i'm happy. see, their both special to me, both important in my life. i still don't know what to do, 'cause i don't want to repeat the same mistake i've committed 10 months ago.. and that was to regret a decision i've made. i know i better think about it, and i shouldn't hurry anything. whatever happens, i just have to accept it. 'cause that's just how life is... no matter how hard it is, all we could do is to accept the fact that everything has changed...

Labels: 10, accept, babybear, change, confusion, spongebob