do you know how it feels to give up everything and to sacrifice everything just for the one you love? i do. i didn't care what others might tell me or think of me, as long as i stay with him*.

after 2months, suddenly, the communication stopped. i thought he* was too busy. i thought he* had too many problems. i didn't mind. i kept the communication. i didn't care that he* wasn't replying, as long as he* knows i care.

later on, i found out he* was having a family problem (that's what he told me and my bestfriend). i had faith in him* that he* could fix it. i was scared that he* wouldn't 'cause i think it would resolve on risking what we have. he*, then, PROMISED (yup, that word that i hate to hear) me that if ever he* wouldn't or couldn't fix it, he* would tell me what it is. i knew him*. well, i thought i did. so, i put my trust in him*.

after a month, i had no news about his* "problem". my birthday came and he* greeted me. just a simple "happy birthday", that's exactly how he* sent it. i didn't care if it didn't seem too happy, or if i didn't feel any emotion coming from the text. i knew he* greeted me, that alone made me happy. i didn't care if he* didn't reply after i replied to that greeting. i knew something was up, i didn't mind. maybe i was too blind.

after a couple of weeks, our* day came. i was soo happy! i even saved my greeting to him* days before. but i had this strange feeling. i was scared, wanting the day not to come. i knew it will happen. i knew it will end. but i thought to myself "i'm just paranoid", or so i thought. maybe i was just blind.

midnight struck on our very day, i waited for it. by exactly 12 midnight, i sent him my message. he replied. but there's something in that text that made me wonder. for a few minutes, i didn't mind (i was reading hp7). but after it sank in my system, i had the courage to ask. though i knew where it will lead me to.

he* was numb. he* seemed like he* didn't care about me. he* said goodbye. i told him* "don't". he* told me "what if i don't love you anymore?" the line most martyrs (including myself) say "i don't care. i'll take care of you. i'll show you how much i love you! don't leave me.." nonetheless, he* left.

it didn't sink in me. well, it did the moment i told that to my bestfriend the next day. i didn't care if i was crying in school, or if teachers can see me, or if my boybud saw me.

i was hurt, i was sad, i felt pain, i was confused, it was complicated, and once again, i was left alone. like 4 months ago, when he* held me up when i was down. i didn't imagine that he*, of all people, would be the next one to pull me down.

i loved him*. and i still do. i care for him*. i never lied to him*. i was sincere. i was faithful. i was loyal. maybe he* wasn't mr.Right. maybe he* was just mr.Right-now. but i still think that he* didn't want to end it. that something had forced him* and made him* do it. i know him*. i know he* loved, and still loves me. something may be the reason why he* did it. and until now, i'm frustrated 'cause i don't even know what the reason of my depression is. yes, it's because he* left me. but why did he*? will i ever know the truth? is that even the truth?

Labels: letting go, love, spongebob, tears, teddybear, truth, why

isn't it obvious that there's nothing much going on im ny life rather than study, study, study?

my mom bought me a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows last saturday! :)

anyway, my mind's not working well since this is the first time that i have no assignments.. though i have to memorize a poem (a long one, actually) for an inter-school competition (yep! i'm a part of it! :) )

2 days... in 2 days, patrick and i will be 4 months! weee!

---

patrick,
in two days, 4 months na tayong magkasama.. remember on our first monthsary, you told me "kung kaya natin one month, kaya natin ONE LIFETIME.." and that's what we'll do.. :) I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY! :)

Labels: months, school, seniors, spongebob, teddybear

happy 3 months patrick!Ü
i wish i could be there with you right now...
i'm missing you lots!
i love you...ü


The sweetest things in life,
Is knowing that i have you there by my side
those moments together, i will forever treasure
sweet memories of ours will last forever..

The sweetest things in life,
Is having someone to talk to at night..
To share our bittersweet days...
Someone who can charm us in any way..

The sweetest things in life,
Is knowing that you are not alone..
That someone is there by your side..
In times of loneliness and cold..

The sweetest thing in MY life,
Is knowing that I'm yours and you're mine..
Our special bond will bind us through..
No one can break us apart as we say "i love you..."

---

3 months na kami! gawd, i'm soo happy na binati niya ako nung midnight! tinext ko kasi siya eh. di naman ako naghihintay ng reply galing sa kanya, kaya nag-internet ako para antukin. nung inaantok na ako, may 2 txts akong na-receive. ung friend ko, binati kami ni patrick. haha! midnight niya kami binati. :D tas binati rin niya ako.:) that made my day so good.ü

Labels: months, spongebob, teddybear

2 days and counting.. 3 months na kami.. but still no word from him.. :'(

i went to the Ateneo this morning. nagbayad na kami ng admission fee tas kinuha na namin ung application form ko. grabe, i'll be making an essay pa! kasama sa application un! X(

tas we headed to gateway sa cubao. kasi opening ng ncaa ngayon. since taga-benilde si ate, nanuod siya. i think ni-require sila kaya ganun. aun, kumain kami sa breadtalk (sarap ng choco mousse!), then headed sa taco bell sa taas and i bought a blizzard from dairy queen. nung nagkita na ate ko pati blockmate niya, pumunta na kami sa house ng cousins ko sa roxas.

aun, tumambay muna dun. hehe. pumayat si lance! at nagpagupit pa. si louis naman, may pasok sa feu, kaya mga 3pm pa namin siya nakita. konting kwentuhan lang kasi after how many minutes, sinundo na namin si ate. game1 lang naman pinanuod niya eh. (talo JRU sa SBC.)

now, i'm thinking of pj while filling-up my application form for the Ateneo. by next month, sa LaSalle naman ako pupunta to pay for the admission fee and to get the application form. haii. sana pumasa ako sa universities na aaplyan ko. pero siyempre, priority ko DLSU. dun ko gusto mag-aral eh.:) second choice ko ung AdMU, then UP, then UST.

hope i pass the dls-cet!


patrick, i miss you na... :'( would you talk to me on the 25th?

Labels: college, spongebob

sorry. meant to update my blog yesterday. but i was so caught up with the moment

-.- 11 June 2007 -.-

i woke up thinking it was just another ordinary day. (ordinary: think about him and worry about him alot) i woke up about 9 in the morning. I ate my breakfast and went inside my ate's room to surf the net.

at about 11 am, ate ai told us that we were about to eat lunch (an hour early. haha.). by the time i finished my meal, my phone kept ringing. i saw there were 4 missed calls (all from janine), and 5 text messages. and 1 of them were from patrick!

i didn't waste any time. i replied to him. the whole afternoon, i was texting him. i was soo happy he texted me! :D i asked him about his problem, he said it was a family problem. i wanted to know what it was but he said, "wag mo na lang alamin. malalaman mo rin un pag hindi ko na-solve" it only means that he hasn't solved his problem completely. :'( but he said he is solving it.

after a few minutes, someone called up our house. when i answered it, immediately, i knew it was patrick. but since he was trying to look for my sister, i just tried to get along with whatever he's planning to do. after some time, he talked to me na. haha.

i missed him. period.

if i would explain what i miss, it would take a lot of space in my blog. because, i just simply miss my patrick jefferson topacio!

that phone call made me remember all those fone calls we had when it was still his vacation. from the week before my final exams in my 3rd year until the day before his first day in lasalle (may22), it all came back to me.

honestly, i didn't want the day to end. i was hoping that i was just living in makati, next door to his house. or i was wishing that i was already in college, living in a boarding house, particularly, their house. so that i would know how he is, if he's okay or not. so that i wouldn't be so paranoid not knowing what's happening to him!

gawd, i soo miss my baby! i admit, this situation is hard. but i don't care how hard it is. no matter what, i'm still going to be waiting for him. i KNOW he can fix his problem. i KNOW he can solve his problem. all i have to do is just believe in him. and pray. pray that everything will be alright. :)

now, he's not texting me again.... :'(

i love you so much patrick! i won't leave your side...

Labels: love, miss, spongebob, teddybear

-.- 06 june, 2007 -.-

janine (my bestfriend) and i had a plan the night before. mamaya na un.

she picked me up at my house at about 10:30am. first, we went to her mom's office and dropped of her gym things. after that, she called up their driver and we went to LaSalle (yup! DLSU manila). i was getting kinda nervous. what if i see him? what will i do? what if i don't see him? waaaah!!

when we got there, we were looking for a parking slot in mcdo. grabe! ang daming kumakain dun! eh tabihan ba naman ng mcdo ung dlsu at tapatan ba naman nun ung csb, syempre maraming kakain dun! we saw this guy wearing a navy blue shirt. di namin nakita face niya. but from the way he walks to how he fixed his hair, parang si patrick talaga! we went around the drive-thru and parked somewhere near. (still inside the mcdo area, though) natatagalan na kami ni janine. we waited for the guy to come out, but he didn't. nung pabalik na kami sa office ng mom niya, i turned around, and i saw this guy wearing a yellow shirt, khaki shorts, and has a green jacket hanged on his shoulder. gawd, si patrick un!!

i admit, i didn't know what was going on my mind. i felt happy, yet sad, a lil' angry, but overall, i knew i missed him so much! i wanted to hug him, i wanted to hold him, i wanted to talk to him! but something inside felt like it's wrong, that i shouldn't do it. i don't know. so, i got satisfied with just looking at him. at least i saw him, dba?

he didn't know i was just beside him when they stopped for awhile beside the car. he didn't know his gf was just right beside him.

janine told me that he wants to tell me not to worry about him, 'cause he's okay. he told me that he's having a problem and that he's trying his very best to fix it, but he doesn't want me to know what it is. my bestfriend told me that he wanted to tell me that he misses me, and he loves me.

the longer this takes, the more i worry about him. the more i miss him. the more i want to hear his voice once again. ugh.... i'm hoping whatever problem he may have, he can resolve it.

"baby, whatever it is, don't give up. don't give up on fixing it. maaayos rin toh. magkakausap uli tayo. magkakasama uli.ü just please don't give up. always remember, i'm here for you, i'm not giving up on you, not giving up on me, and not giving up on US..

i love you so much baby!"

Labels: love, miss, spongebob, teddybear

seriously, am i being paranoid?

honestly, i don't know what to do. tama ba toh? o baka OA na talaga ako? 5 days na. 5 days na niya akong hindi tinetext o tinatawagan or whatsoever! kinakabahan na ako. di ko alam kung ok lang siya o hindi. di ko alam kung may sakit ba siya o wala. o kung may nangyari na ba sa kanyang masama. kinakabahan ako.



honestly, sana lang talaga, di niya ako pinagpalit. :'( naiiyak na ako. di ko na alam iisipin ko!!!

Labels: spongebob

this is my one of my songs for my baby.ü

Wag ka nang umiyak, sa mundong pabago-bago
PAG-IBIG KO AY TOTOO
ako ang iyong bangka, kung magalit man
ang alon, ng panahon, sabay tayong aahon

[chorus]
Kung wala ka nang maintindihan
Kung wala ka nang makapitan
Kapit ka sa akin, kapit ka sa akin
Di kita bibitawan

Wag kang umiyak, mahaba man ang araw
uuwi ka sa yakap ko
wag mo nang damdamin kung wala ako sayong tabi
iiwan kong puso ko sa yo
at kung pakiramdam mo’y wala ka nang kakampi
isipin mo ako dahil puso’t isip ko’y
nasa yong tabi
[repeat chorus]

di kita pababayaan

Kapit ka, kumapit ka
(para sa buhay ng buhay ko)

Labels: love, spongebob, teddybear

parang continuation lang toh ng entry ko last night..

*listening to "wag ka nang umiyak" by sugarfree*

"hindi kita bibitawan....."

i was hoping for a text from him earlier this morning, 'cause he always texts me when he wakes up. but i think he got upset with me and didn't even bother to text me. :( but i didn't let it bother me, i still texted him when i woke up.

by lunch time, i heard my fone ring, it was him. missed call. i texted him but he didn't reply, so i called him up. but the line was kinda choppy, so we put it down. i asked him why he called up. he said he wanted to ask how i was and he wanted to know if he still has load. so, i tried to put up a conversation. but, he didn't reply after the 2nd text.

when we [family] were about to go to ortigas, i texted him just so he knows where i am. still no reply. then it began to rain, we went inside the car [btw, we were in ortigas 'cause we were gonna fetch my mom from her office. she went OT.]. since it was raining, my dad and my mom agreed that we'd eat dinner in market!market! upon arriving, we [my ate and i] just sat at the table, then my fone started to ring again. it was him.ü i was so happy to hear his voice! but we couldn't understand what the other was talking about. then the phone line got cut. he texted me telling me that he thought he called up his classmate [since they have a batch party right now], but instead, he dialled my number. that was ok for me. at least i got to hear his voice.

just a few minutes ago, i texted him when i got home. i asked him where he is. and he told me they were about to go to bedspace [greenbelt]. so, i told him 'ok.. ingat ka baby.ü" i wasn't expecting any reply from him since usually, he doesn't reply whenever i text those things. but just awhile ago, he did.ü just asking me what im doing. i don't know if he'll reply [i hope he will :(].

i admit, i AM sad, i DO miss him. i'm just not used to it. having a college guy [who obviously is so busy] for have a boyfriend. i'm just here, waiting for him, understanding him, and being patient. i'm doing everything that i have to do for him, and believe it or not, i'm not asking anything in return. [i used to be the girl who asks for something in return, but i changed. i don't know what made me change, but i changed.] 'cause if you love someone, you'd do anything for him on your own will, and not expecting nor asking for anything in return.

still, i'm here, being patient and understanding him. if he needs me, expect it that i'll be there for him no matter what. why? simple. because i love him.ü

Labels: miss, spongebob, teddybear

i miss him badly. :( grabe, imagine, kinaya ko ung 2 days na hindi siya nagtetext. pero kagabi, siyempre hindi ko kaya kasi monthsary namin un. i asked my bestfriend (while we were talking) to call up his # and ask him if he's busy or not, and if he has load. nagkausap sila, he wasn't busy, and yes, he has load. :(

nung binaba na namin ung fone, magy-ym dapat kami. eh before i got logged in, nag-ring ung fone, hoping na siya un. siya nga!:) pero, ya, iba naman napag-usapan namin. mas marami kaming pinag-usapan about other stuff instead of kami lang.

*sorry ah, medyo selfish lang talaga ako pag special day namin. ewan ko kung bakit.*

tas nasaktan ako (or nagselos) nung nalaman ko na ung lagi niyang kasama sa school ay babae. :( mas marami naman guys dun, bat di nalang guys kasama niya? :( pero inintindi ko na lang siya. he asked me questions like "pano pag sinabi ko sayo na ayaw kita makita?" or "pano pag sinabi ko sayo na 'i don't love you anymore'?" dba ang sakit?! :'( di ko na kinaya un.. umiyak na ako!

i wanted to tell him how i felt. pero pinapatulog na siya kasi may parang rotc siya every saturday. eh ang pangit nung pagsabi niya ng "bilisan mo." when i told him i was going to tell him something. tapos hindi pa ako tapos sasabihin niya "un lang ba?" ako, inintindi ko nalang siya. college na siya eh. lagi na siyang busy. pero ang gusto ko lang naman, onting pag-iintindi rin sa nararamdaman ko. :(

Labels: miss, selfish, spongebob, tears, teddybear

today, was somewhat hectic.

late ako sa review class ko. grr! >.< i had a blast naman. we had seating arrangements and seatmates ko 2 girls from spcp. sabi nung teacher, the whole session (until last class namin) un daw seating arrangement namin. we had 4 quizzes sa english ngayon. >.< pero kaya ko naman. :)

nung last quiz namin, call ng call si janine. magkasama na pala sila ni louis sa breadtalk! so i had to walk fast papuntang adb. pagdating ko, nasa lobby si mommy. she gave us (ate and i) both P500. hinatid na rin niya kami sa mrt.

pagdating namin dun. we waited for dirv for about 3mins. i really wanted patrick to come so i asked help from janine. she talked to him nga eh. hehe! after that, we ate at the foodcourt sa may g4. i bought food sa dencio's; ate, louis and janine bought food from the house of mini's while dirv didn't eat. after lunch, nagstay muna kami dun for how many minutes. patrick was asking me where i am specifically. so i was having the idea na pupunta siya. since papunta kami sa timezone, that's what i said.

pagdating sa timezone, tinreat ko ng 100 si louis. tas nag-initial d sila ni ate. since na-bore ako, pinuntahan namin ni nin si dirv kasi nagtetekken siya. ate texted me where i was so nagreply ako. lumingon ako to see if she's there pero instead, SI PATRICK NAKITA KO! :)

nagulat ako and i was happy.. :) umupo kami ni nin sa starbucks kasi dun niya imi-meet si moric. nagpasama si dirv sa labas kasi magy-yb siya, sinamahan siya ni patrick. i was so happy to know that my ate, my bestfriend, and my cousin loves patrick for me. :)

we watched shrek3. moric, janine, louis, ate pau, ako at patrick, that's the seating arrangement. ang kulit nga eh! hehe. i bought candies. :) so, binigyan ko si patrick. ayaw niya kunin, edi sinubuan ko siya. haha! everytime i give him food, lagi ko siya sinusubuan. :) tas nilalambing niya ako. he leaned over me. i leaned over him. we locked hands (locked, as in locked!) the whole time we were inside. and... we kissed...:) the sweetest thing he did was when he whipered "i love you..ü"

after the movie, ikot ikot lang. i noticed my cousin wasn't feeling well 'cause he planned this day for him and my bestfriend (kaya ako nandun kasi gusto nila, eh yaw ko ma-OP dinala ko si patrick!). ang tamlay nga niya eh. patrick noticed, i noticed, unfortunately, janine didn't. :'(

haii.. this was the longest time we've been together.:) ang kulit nga eh. when i found out my mom was in mcdo, i asked for a kiss. he gave me his cheek and i kissed him!

when we parted, i texted him "baby, thanks for comingü i love you!" and he replied "i love you, too!"

Labels: cousins, gimik, spongebob, teddybear

went to school, get the card, went to SM and back home.

i was pretty tired but i still had to send those pictures from my lolo's birthday and my ate's grad to my tita in the states. so, while i was using the net, i went through TeenTalk, friendster, and logged in on ym. it was pretty boring, till my ex logged in and talked to me. To cut it short, we're okay now, we're fine now. All i have to do is to tell them who i chose.

After a couple of hours, i logged off, switched the pc off and was planning to sleep. the moment i laid down on my bed, my dad told me "bihis na. sunduin pa natin mommy mo. punta pa taio megamall." what?! bad timing. >.<

on the way to ortigas, i was texting spongebob. when we were still in ayala, he asked me "san kaio punta?" i told him we'll go to megamall, fetch my mom, eat dinner, and walk around the mall. it took him so much time to reply, so while waiting, i kinda slept inside the car. since my cp's voluem was really loud, when i received his text, i kinda woke up. haha! he told me "...may surprise aq saio.Ü i was kinda excited. i wanted to know what it was. yup, i'm a spoiler. O.o he told me that they'll go to megamall, too. and the he persuaded his mom to go there instead of glorietta.

when we got there, i was still texting him. he told me stuffs, and he was telling me where he is or what they were doing. we ate dinner at Mann Hann. grabe! i was really full. i drank mango shake and my mom ordered a slice of mango cheesecake for me (di naman halatang mahilig ako sa mangoes ^__^). i was really nervous. i told myself, "after eating, for sure diretso na kami uwi." so, i texted him, i told him to meet me at powerbooks since i'm going to buy a book there.

when we got there, i was nervous, in a matter of minutes, i'll see him na! but when i saw the book that i was going to buy, i kinda forget about it. i was rummaging the shelves, looking for more interesting books to buy, then suddenly, i felt something on my left side. i was having the feeling that he was standing right next to me, but i shrugged it off. after that, he called me up sa cell. "nakita na kitaÜ" (what?! pano?! andito na siya?!) he told me to turn around and step off the platform that i was standing on. so, i did. i asked him where to look, he said "tingin ka sa kanan", when i did, i see him walk away. (waah! i saw him na! ^__^)

when we were together na, he gave me a bracelet (w/c he said that he took care of since he was a kid), and his picture.Ü

he led me to the children's section (don't ask me, i don't know why we were there.) then he leaned on one of the shelves. i was standing right next to him (grabe, ang init niya..), he kept on teasing me and looking at me right in my eyes. *blush* he put his shoulder on mine.Ü when i looked at him, his face was close to mine, then.. he kissed me.. Ü

he walked away, getting a book. then he put his hands at the back, like he wants to hold mine. i gave him my hands. he held it. our hands were locked.Ü i know i wanted to hug him, so I did. eh he's sooo tall! while i'm behind him, i was hugging him, but he was walking around. (haha!) that was hard!

after a few minutes, he sat down, then my dad texted and told me we were about to go. i knelt down the floor, i bid him goodbye, and then i hugged him. but, he kissed me.Ü

while i was walking away, he called me up, he said, "i miss you naÜ andito lang ako sa likod mo, sinusundan lang kita. i want you to be safe pag punta mo sa parents mo." grabe ah! we're just in one store!

while we were on the car, i couldn't think of anything else but him. (grabe! ang lakas ng tama ko!)

when we got home, i texted him and let him know that. after a few minutes, he called me up. he told me that he was standing right next to me, on my left side, before he even called up (siya pala un!), he said he couldn't take his eyes off of me, and that he never noticed a girl after we saw each other, i was the only one he was thinking of. even when he was with his mom, he was a bit distracted. hehe..

haii.. i can't forget that night.Ü

Labels: mall, spongebob, teddybear

Tears flowed once again. But this time, it's a different story.

I have this thing with "promises." Somehow, no one ever kept their promises with me, especially the guy I loved. I fought with promises those months I've been waiting for him. Hoping, wishing, praying that somehow, in some way, he would, and could keep his promise. But I was just living in my fantasy world. Waiting for someone to wake me up.

Some times last night, I was talking to spongebob on my cellphone. He promised he'd wait for me and call me up when I get home. I heard that word again. Promise. I told myself I never wanted to hear it again. But here I am again, hearing my worst enemy. I thought, maybe he's different, maybe he'd keep this promise. So, I believed him. I gave myself a chance to believe in it again.

I got home tired, and a bit sleepy. Something in me wanted to know if he could, and if he is keeping his promise. I texted him "ei, i just got home". No reply. I texted him twice -- still no reply. Then he texted me, he told me "di kita makakausap. may gumagamit ng fone." When I read that, I got disappointed. Then it struck me, wala na ba talagang marunong tumupad ng promises nila?! lalo na sakin?! Mababaw, I know. Siguro talaga, I just need not to hope any longer. So when he called me up sa cellphone ko, I told him to never promise me anything. The telephone in my room rang -- it was him.

I started to cry, why? I knew I somehow hurt his feelings with what I told him. He's someone so sensitive, someone I can't afford to hurt, but I made him cry. I was shocked! No one ever cried because I was crying. I asked him why he was sad. He simply told me "masama bang maging malungkot ng walang rason? masama bang maging malungkot dahil malungkot ung taong mahal ko?" I was flattered. Even with my ex, he didn't cry when I cried. Well, there are times when I scare him or threaten him with stuff like slit my wrist, he cries. But something this simple? He never cried. I wanted to know why spongebob was crying. He began to talk. He told me "ayokong nalulungkot ka o nasasaktan ka.. kasi mas lalo akong nasasaktan.. sorry kung umiiyak ako... ganito kasi kita ka-mahal..." I was really touched. He even thanked me. He hasn't cried in awhile (that's what he said), and I was the only reason why tears flowed out from his eyes. "maybe I really love you so much.. maybe we're really meant for each other..." That's what he said.

After last night, I know for sure that I love him more now. I couldn't believe it, but I know I love him. And I can feel that he loves me, too. I just hope this would last.

Labels: love, promises, spongebob, tears

TIME flies so fast... so fast that sometimes, you just don't know how things ended up in that way...

yesterday was kind of a rollercoaster ride for me. nagkaaminan na. **spongebob told me he likes me, i told him i like him, too. but here's the catch, we just met -- wala pa ngang one month eh! but, do you guys know that feeling that you feel so close and so comfortable with each other even though you're friendship isn't that long yet? that's the feeling. kinda complicated, hard to explain, pero ganun eh.

we're kind of friends, pero more than that. you could say that we're bestfriends, close friends, MU? hehe.. ewan ko.. basta! he has helped me get through the sorrow. he helped me move on. he taught me some things that i knew from the very beginning but i was too afraid to face. he never left my side. he was always there, especially those times when i didn't expect that he'd be there.

i admit, i never imagined that i'd be happy when i talk to him. i always smile whenever he texts me or whenever he calls me. i kept on wondering why i'm like this. now, i confess -- i like him. after 10 whole months, i like someone besides my ex..

i was shocked when he told me he has the same feelings. i'm not entirely sure if what he says are true., but i don't know. i believe him naman.. in less than a month, i've known a guy, and from what i've found out, we have a lot of things in common. from the littlest things to the things we do for other people. we both have lots of pillows on our beds. we both bury our heads on our pillows. we can't resist helping other people. and we share that same feeling -- the feeling you feel when you help someone, but you never feel appreciated by them. and that sometimes, they run to you whenever they ONLY need your help. i never met someone like that, just like me, until i met him.

i thought the farthest our friendship will end up is like a bro-sis relationship (just like with my other guy friends whom i call "kuya" in the end..) but no, something kinda interesting happened last night. our decent conversation went to a "will you be my girl?" talk. haha! shocking? yes. surprising? totally! unexpected? sobra!! but, i felt kilig rin.. hehe.. haiii.... wondering what i told him back? hmm.. i said "yes.ü" :P i'm so happyÜ

Labels: spongebob, teddybear, time

be careful of what you wish for, you might just get it...

i was always been reminded of that line. but i never thought that it's true.. until recently...

for 10 months, as i've been going through some threads in the lovelife board in TeenTalk, i always told myself "how i wish my ex would want me back.." now that he wants me back, i don't know what to feel...

recently, i met this new guy, let's call him **spongebob. we're becoming close -- too close, and i'm not complaining about it. i tell him almost everything! like my friend, pao, he's someone who i can run to whenever i have the urge to rant about anything. he knows the hurt, and the sorrow that i've gone through with my ex. and he knows how hard it was for me to get over him. he was also there when i finally realized that i just let go. that i actually let go. he became my instant bestfriend.. i started to like him. i thought it's just because he's a friend of mine. but no, i kinda like him, like him. i know i should be happy with what i'm feeling, 'cause i can feel happy and smile now. pero, there's a BIG hinder. my ex is kinda wanting me back, but he doesn't..

he admitted that he misses me. he told me again and again that he still loves me. he told me he WANTS to be with me again.. but when i asked him what does he want to do? he couldn't say anything. the typical guy that i've known. every problem we had, he couldn't say anything if i ask him. where does it leave me? hanging, hanging once again. i know i could hold **spongebob's hand and have the certainty of being happy, but there's something about the past that's holding on to me. and it sucks!

remembering the time when i read something in teentalk that made me wonder "how i wish my ex would want me back... :(" now, i don't know if i ever want him back.. did i want him back 'cause girls like him? 'cause a lot of people told me how stupid i was for letting him go? 'cause the moment we were done, suddenly alot of people likes him? do i want him to be mine only? if so, i must be THAT selfish. but until now, i can't answer any of those questions.

he keeps on circling in my mind. it's not good. it's the irritable kind. i know this is what i wanted before. but do i still want this right now? i don't know. maybe, if spongebob weren't here, i might have given myself to him again. but he's here, he's beside me. like what he said "we're so close yet so far".. i'm not complaining. i'm not saying "if he weren't here.. blahblahblah.." no! 'cause i'm really happy that he came into my life. i'm really happy that i met him. i just don't know what to do, 'cause of a certain someone who's trying to get back in my life.

maybe you guys are wondering why i'm so confused since i practically told you that i'm happy. see, their both special to me, both important in my life. i still don't know what to do, 'cause i don't want to repeat the same mistake i've committed 10 months ago.. and that was to regret a decision i've made. i know i better think about it, and i shouldn't hurry anything. whatever happens, i just have to accept it. 'cause that's just how life is... no matter how hard it is, all we could do is to accept the fact that everything has changed...

Labels: 10, accept, babybear, change, confusion, spongebob

:

did i just hear him say it right? did i just hear him say "i think i like you.Ü"?

summer officially started today. since nag-usap kami ni patrick until 1am (ata.. hehe.. don't remember the time..) i woke up pretty late. let's say, i woke up about quarter to 12nn? hehe. anyway, we talked 0n the phone the night before, right? medyo nagkatampuhan lang since he kinda made a comment na "sige ok lang., you don't trust me naman eh.." coming from a person whom you trust, that's gotta hurt, right? so, my bubbly-jolly-fun personality went away.. welcome sad-emo-tampo bianca. haha! everytime na nagtatampo ako, my mood doesn't change until the sun rises -- literally. so, i guess you know how it ended. tampo ako, nagtampo na rin siya, nag-sorry siya, tinanggap ko, he expected that i'd be ok, but my mood never changed, nangulit siya, umiyak ako. he proposed to put the phone down, i agreed. eh may pasok siya sa umaga db? before i got to sleep, nagtext siya, sorry nang sorry, he wanted to hurt himself daw para makabawi, aun..

the moment i woke up, ang sakit ng ulo ko! i found out na nagtext parin siya ng 2am.. "eh akala ko ba may pasok ka at kailangan mo nang matulog?" sus! lalo sumakit ulo ko.. by the time i finished my lunch, someone was calling my #. spongebob. bakit toh tumatawag? nasa school ka dba? that's what i thought. un pala, break nila. he called up to check-up on me. just to know if i'm still down, or if im fine na. I admit, na-touch ako dun sa ginawa niya, and it really made me smile.Ü

about 6pm (ata.. haha!), he texted me. sabi niya "nakauwi na ako teddy bear, gusto mo ako makausap? kung wla ka ginagawa.." so, pinatawag ko siya. and would you believe that phone call lasted for about 3-4 hours?! ahaha! i missed those kinds of phone calls.ü nangyari lang un sakin with duke and marty before. now, pati si patrick. anyway, we had to put it down 'cause he was about to eat dinner.

nag-internet ako right after that. hindi ko napansin na nagtext pala siya sa fone ko. when i got to read it, nagulat ako. haha! he said "teddy bear, may sbhn aq. nahya aq sbhn sa fone kanna" i got intrigued! haha! na-intriga ang loka-loka. so, i asked him "ano un?" dun papasok ung "i think i like you.Ü" text. ahaha! nagkataon, nagtxt sakin si me-ann. ung mga survey-chuva. ahaha! ung parang "what will you do if i told you i love you?" sagot ba naman niya eh "c (weh! d nga?!) but maybe a (iloveyou2)" grabe! nawindang ako dun! hahah...

i couldn't wait any longer. i wanted to talk to him right away. syempre, i want to clear it all out. then nung nag-usap kami., sabi nga niya na totoo lahat ng sinabi niya. na di daw niya ako niloloko or binobola.. waaaaah! ewan ko ba. hehe..

totoo kaya toh? kasi, i'm kinda starting to like him, too..

Labels: like, spongebob, teddybear, text

""if you two are meant to be,"
someday you'll be together at the right time."

i am your bestfriend :)
a poet on the loose.
wanting a motorola U9 now.:))


the name's bianca. :) been living for 17 years now and a college frosh. currently in dlsu-m taking up bs ece :| a friend to all, an enemy to none. i am artsy in my own right. poems are my "thing". and i live by honesty. liars are off-limits here. got that? :)

.bestzhel.
.yanna.
.kini.
.hannah.
.beachbabemackee.
.abigail.
.pam.
.jem.
.den.
.lynnette.
.ghirlhie.
.maxinne.
.merie.
.jetjet.
.tzie.
.janine.
.chi.
.princess.
.grace.
.cazs.
.immi.
.JaJu.
.joan.
.bianca.
.char.
.trish.
.cutreenuh.
.kuya ervin.
.rie.
.riane.
.ate jane.
.wawa.
.TIN.
.kimi.

Designer : Kookies
Coding references are from: Le. Romantique & Daybeforemisery(yarlythestarfish)
Brushes from: Aethereality
Textures from: Hybird Genesis
Big thanks to DANGO DAIKAZOKU!