Friday, January 30, 2009,:
why do i have to find out everything when it has all ended? do i really deserve to know? or do i just deserve to get hurt 'cause that's what i have done to him in the past? :[
let's put a new addition to the
lies my ex-boyfriend has told me.
we [someone close to
us and i] were talking some minutes ago. he was asking for an advice 'cause - again - his girlfriend and him are in a disagreement. he said
"alam mo, highschool life ko parang highschool life lang ni [put my ex's name here],
nung third year, may prom date, nung fourth year wala." i asked him to elaborate and he said, my ex's prom date was supposed to be his date during his grad ball. i asked,
"eh dba niligawan niya ung girl from MC?"and this was what the guy told me,
"yup, he did. pero di natuloy kasi NAGPUNTA SA STATES UNG GIRL KAYA HINDI NAGING SILA...."
if i remember correctly, he told me (when he went back to me), that
he stopped courting her 'cause he was COMPARING HER TO ME. i'm not being boastful or cocky. he told me everytime he talks to her, he wonders why she isn't
makulit like me. he wonders why she's not much into texting like me. why she is not as sweet as me.
and now, now that i am
slowly letting go, suddenly i find that out? isn't that a bit unfair, on my part? :[
so, he just came back to me 'cause
she migrated to the States. was i supposed to be his
rebound girl? all the while, i regret not choosing him, and then this? :[
then again, i really don't know the truth. i can't judge him or conclude anything until i get the chance to talk to him.
but, then again, will
THAT ever happen?
Labels: babybear, bloggie, broken, college, complicated, confessions, confusion, end, hurt, letting go, life, ouch, random, selfish, time, truth, why
TIME flies so fast... so fast that sometimes, you just don't know how things ended up in that way...
yesterday was kind of a rollercoaster ride for me. nagkaaminan na. **spongebob told me he likes me, i told him i like him, too. but here's the catch, we just met -- wala pa ngang one month eh! but, do you guys know that feeling that you feel so close and so comfortable with each other even though you're friendship isn't that long yet? that's the feeling. kinda complicated, hard to explain, pero ganun eh.
we're kind of friends, pero more than that. you could say that we're bestfriends, close friends, MU? hehe.. ewan ko.. basta! he has helped me get through the sorrow. he helped me move on. he taught me some things that i knew from the very beginning but i was too afraid to face. he never left my side. he was always there, especially those times when i didn't expect that he'd be there.
i admit, i never imagined that i'd be happy when i talk to him. i always smile whenever he texts me or whenever he calls me. i kept on wondering why i'm like this. now, i confess -- i like him. after 10 whole months, i like someone besides my ex..
i was shocked when he told me he has the same feelings. i'm not entirely sure if what he says are true., but i don't know. i believe him naman.. in less than a month, i've known a guy, and from what i've found out, we have a lot of things in common. from the littlest things to the things we do for other people. we both have lots of pillows on our beds. we both bury our heads on our pillows. we can't resist helping other people. and we share that same feeling -- the feeling you feel when you help someone, but you never feel appreciated by them. and that sometimes, they run to you whenever they ONLY need your help. i never met someone like that, just like me, until i met him.
i thought the farthest our friendship will end up is like a bro-sis relationship (just like with my other guy friends whom i call "kuya" in the end..) but no, something kinda interesting happened last night. our decent conversation went to a "will you be my girl?" talk. haha! shocking? yes. surprising? totally! unexpected? sobra!! but, i felt kilig rin.. hehe.. haiii.... wondering what i told him back? hmm.. i said "yes.ü" :P i'm so happyÜ
Labels: spongebob, teddybear, time
Saturday, March 17, 2007,:
we chat often na. i don't know how that happened. but, we just do.
Mood swings ba tawag dito o talagang wala na? I used to feel bad whenever we chat, especially pag di kami nag-uusap. pag nag-uusap naman kami, i'm having butterflies on my stomach. kinikilig na parang ewan. pero lately, everything changed. di na ganun. though there are times na di nawawala un. pero bakit ganun? i just feel nervous. kinakabahan ako pag kausap ko siya. i know there's no reason for me to feel that way. but, like right now, ka-chat ko siya, and kinakabahan ako. ang weird noh?
i can feel it. i can feel that he's treating my as a bestfriend. i appreciate itÜ pero, di pa rin naaalis sa isip ko na sana he feels something more than that. syempre, mahal mo ung tao pero pagiging bestfriend lang ung pwede niyang ibigay at the moment.
but i've stopped hoping na. i still wish that one day, we'll end up together and live happily. pero i've realized recently na, the more i hope on the impossible, the more i get hurt. martyr na ata ung taong umaasa pa, kahit alam niyang wala na. well, martyr ata tawag sakin. i've done that. and i still think that's what i'm doing. ewan! moving on and letting go is my goal, but somehow, i can't seem to do that.....
"TIME heals all wounds..." they say. but does it really heal all the wounds? Or does it just help you accept the reality the longer you dwell on it?...
Labels: complicated, ouch, time
