TIME can never get back what was ended..Last night, as I was talking to spongebob on the phone, marty texted me.
"still up? usap tayo."
My heart punded as I read those words on my phone. I know I wanted to talk to him, but I was still talking to spongebob. If I told him that I was going to put the phone down just so marty could call, he'd get hurt. I know I have the option of lying to him, but I can't. I didn't know what to do. >.<
I talked to spongebob while I was texting marty. I was surprised when marty told me that he got me something from EK. I thought to myself
"why would he get me something? and why did I pop out of his mind while he was in EK?" It made me want to talk to him more. I really wanted to talk to him -- i missed him! And he's my bestfriend.Ü Still, it doesn't change the fact that I have spongebob. I couldn't leave him.
At about 2am, I felt kinda woozy. I wanted to sleep, and I told spongebob that. The moment we put the fone down. I remembered marty. I called him up, and our talk lasted for about an hour. It was the longest hour of my life! At first, we were just fooling around, like we usually do. Then, our talk became serious. I don't know how, I don't know why, but it just did! He then told me something.. something that shocked me and made me forgot that I was supposed to go to sleep.
"bianx, edi manliligaw uli ako sa'yo?"Those words struck me. Those were the words that I've been wanting to hear from him for the last 10 months, and now, I heard it. I really did. I didn't know what to feel -- I didn't know what I was supposed to feel! It just happened. I needed to hear it again. I couldn't believe it. I heard it -- yes, but I still couldn't believe it. He repeated it. But still, my mind couldn't process those words he said.
He told me naawa siya sakin. That he was forcing me to move on 10 months ago 'cause he can see that he was hurting me, he could see that i was hurting, that I couldn't stand it anymore, but still held on, hoping that something might happen. He wanted me to be happy, that's why he pushed me to forget, pushed me to believe that friends, and only friends, that's what we'll always be. Though he loved me, missed me, but he couldn't stand seeing me get hurt, get hurt by him.
"There was no month that I didn't cry, alam mo ba un? You rejected me, you pushed me away, heck! there were even days when you wouldn't talk to me, or even reply to any of my texts!! Do you know how hard that was!? But, I don't know.. I don't know why I held on.... Maybe because that's how much I love you..."Speechless -- he was left speechless for what I said. I started to cry. But I was trying not to make it obvious. He was good -- really good. He knew I was crying right then and there.
It was just like before. It was like I was with my babybear once again. It felt good, but I knew something was wrong. Something was DEFINITELY wrong.
This is what I wanted for months now. But now that I have it, I don't know what to do. I love him still, I love him so much. But I can't change the fact that I've learned to love spongebob, too. Someone's gonna get their heart broken. If I could help it, I'd save them both, and leave myself broken once again. :'(
Labels: broken, marty
