Childhood days;

Saturday, September 08, 2007,:

i tried to talk to my boybud last thursday. i really wanted to talk to him. i was getting frustrated with the fact that someone in their class is flirting him. i don't know why. i just hate it everytime by bestfriend would tell me stories about the girl flirting with my boybud. it hurts. i admit. i hurts. so. bad.

right after lunch, my classmate (who knows him) told me to write him a note. so that everything would be said and done, so that no one would get hurt, she persuaded me to write him a not. and i did.

josh,
meet me in the canteen after dismissal... i just need to talk to you... if you don't come, i know what it means.....

after our speech class, we were heading down the stairs. the moment i came near their classroom, i tried not to look inside the windows. unfortunately, one of their classmates were getting an OHP unit inside. there was a guy holdig up the door for his classmate. when i looked up, i saw him. looking at me. straight. in. the. eye.

after that, i got more nervous about the "dismissal" thing. i was scared. so, the moment our adviser told us that we were dismissed, my anxiety turned into hunger, so i decided to head straight to the canteen and eat. :)) i was getting nervous every minute. to relieve my nervousness, i told my friends, "if he doesn't come here by 5pm, we'll go home." i told them that at 4:30pm. they told me to make it 5:30pm, but i was persistent. if this was meant to be, by 5pm, he'll be there, that's what i thought.

since they [my friends] knew that he wouldn't talk to me if they were there, they left me. "look-out" daw sila. :)) 4:45pm, gawd! ang tagal. i decided to do my physics homework. but the minute i was answering it, a friend of ours [boybud and i] came and told me, "andiyan siya." i told him to let him in. without hesitation, he did. our friend had a plan, he told us that he'd just "buy something", but the truth is, he locked us up inside.

he panicked. i did, too. but i didn't show it unlike he did. i remained calm, though deep inside i wasn't. this was the first time i was with him ALONE in some place. for minutes, they didn't open it up. so when one of my classmates came, i asked her to open the gates for us.. and she did. then i started to speak..

ako: "o, alam ko namang gusto mo nang umalis eh.."
boybud: (not moving and just looking at me) "galit ka ba?"
a: "ano sa tingin mo?"
b: "hindi ko alam.... galit ka ba? =/"
a: "alam mong hindi ako galit sayo. ilang beses ko bang uuliting hindi ako galit sayo! alam mo, kahit gusto kong magalit, di ko kaya! ewan ko kung bat pilit mo kong iniiwasan....."

after that, he just looked at me.. i.. never felt so at ease. i don't know why. he's the only person who could make me feel at ease no matter what.. gawd. i miss him so much!

last night, my bestfriend asked him "do you care for bianca?", he simply said "ya i do.. duh!" he cares for me. that's a fact. he said it himself. but why can't he talk to me? =/

Labels: anger, boybud, hurt, tears