today, my summer classes started officially. i didn't know that some of my friends enrolled in the same class i did (like
Boogie,
Mia, and
Benjie) but at least i've got some people to talk to, right? :)
never knew summer classes would be
fast-paced. our prof discussed the lessons that i had to learn in
a week last term, in
one friggin' day! i hate to admit it, if i only studied well in intecal last term, i wouldn't have been stuck in manila trying to pass it again.:| and i would be going to the province witnessing
Kuya Geepee's wedding on may 4 as one of the
bridesmaids.
and because i was
stupid enough to fail it -
unintentionally - and was stupid enough not to pass my med certificate, i'll be left in Manila, with only Ate Daday with me, while
my parents and
my sister goes off to Romblon, head to the
beach and the wedding.
ugh.
this is
NOT my kind of summer. :|
Labels: anger, bloggie, college, dlsu, escapades, gimik, life, random, summer, vacation, why
Saturday, September 08, 2007,:
i tried to talk to my boybud last thursday. i really wanted to talk to him. i was getting frustrated with the fact that someone in their class is flirting him. i don't know why. i just hate it everytime by bestfriend would tell me stories about the girl flirting with my boybud. it hurts. i admit. i hurts. so. bad.
right after lunch, my classmate (who knows him) told me to write him a note. so that everything would be said and done, so that no one would get hurt, she persuaded me to write him a not. and i did.
josh,
meet me in the canteen after dismissal... i just need to talk to you... if you don't come, i know what it means.....after our speech class, we were heading down the stairs. the moment i came near their classroom, i tried not to look inside the windows. unfortunately, one of their classmates were getting an OHP unit inside. there was a guy holdig up the door for his classmate. when i looked up, i saw him. looking at me. straight. in. the. eye.
after that, i got more nervous about the "dismissal" thing. i was scared. so, the moment our adviser told us that we were dismissed, my anxiety turned into hunger, so i decided to head straight to the canteen and eat. :)) i was getting nervous every minute. to relieve my nervousness, i told my friends, "if he doesn't come here by 5pm, we'll go home." i told them that at 4:30pm. they told me to make it 5:30pm, but i was persistent. if this was meant to be, by 5pm, he'll be there, that's what i thought.
since they [my friends] knew that he wouldn't talk to me if they were there, they left me. "look-out" daw sila. :)) 4:45pm, gawd! ang tagal. i decided to do my physics homework. but the minute i was answering it, a friend of ours [boybud and i] came and told me, "andiyan siya." i told him to let him in. without hesitation, he did. our friend had a plan, he told us that he'd just "buy something", but the truth is, he locked us up inside.
he panicked. i did, too. but i didn't show it unlike he did. i remained calm, though deep inside i wasn't. this was the first time i was with him ALONE in some place. for minutes, they didn't open it up. so when one of my classmates came, i asked her to open the gates for us.. and she did. then i started to speak..
ako: "o, alam ko namang gusto mo nang umalis eh.."
boybud: (not moving and just looking at me) "galit ka ba?"
a: "ano sa tingin mo?"
b: "hindi ko alam.... galit ka ba? =/"
a: "alam mong hindi ako galit sayo. ilang beses ko bang uuliting hindi ako galit sayo! alam mo, kahit gusto kong magalit, di ko kaya! ewan ko kung bat pilit mo kong iniiwasan....."after that, he just looked at me.. i.. never felt so at ease. i don't know why. he's the only person who could make me feel at ease no matter what.. gawd. i miss him so much!
last night, my bestfriend asked him "do you care for bianca?", he simply said "ya i do.. duh!" he cares for me. that's a fact. he said it himself. but why can't he talk to me? =/
Labels: anger, boybud, hurt, tears
"what you want doesn't necessarily mean that's what you need..."
natuloy ung plan namin ni janine kanina. i was hoping it wouldn't, 'cause again, i was nervous. as in kinakabahan ako! buti na lang ang daming lumapit sakin para magpatulong sa caf. nung closed na ung library, akala ko uuwi na kami, hindi pa pala.
pinilit ni janine si joshua na makipag-usap sakin. leading him to trapping himself inside the boys' cr. ewan! dun ako nainis eh. what's the point of running away from me? bakit, may kasalanan ka ba sakin?! galit ka ba sakin!? may nagawa ba akong masama sayo!? sana naman sabihin mo dba? kesa naman nagmumukha akong tanga dito!!!
naiiyak na ako nun, nung nakalabas na ng cr si joshua, ako naman ung pumasok! (pasensya na, nature has been calling me eh.. ^_^V) aun, dun na rin ako nagtago kasi napansin kong umiiwas siya. ung para bang napipilitan lang siyang magstay sa school. tas i kept on hearing janine telling him to say "hi!" or greet me a "happy birthday!" parang ang plastik naman nun kung ginawa niya un. kasi kung ginawa niya un, it'll only mean na ginawa niya un out of anger? or pity? or whatsoever! pilit eh! grrrr... ewan ko...
di ako galit sa kanya.. galit ako sa ginawa niya!
ganito ba talaga kalalabasan ng birthday ko?!Labels: anger, boybud, school
