Childhood days;

Wednesday, December 17, 2008,:

dec.18 = course card distribution day
but there's something more to that date...

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i won't hold back any longer. besides, i can't keep any of it anymore. i'll give them to him. i'll give them to M.

the scrapbook, my unsent letters, my thoughts when we were together and after we broke up -- all those things, i'll give it to M tomorrow. a part of me is ready to let it all go; a part of me has doubts. :s

should i give it or keep it? :s

i talked to joshua last night. he was unsure if i should give it, but definitely "keep everything he gave you", was what he kept on repeating. raymond said the same thing. but he told me to give the things i made for M na. cousin knows best than the ex, i suppose. :s

i was kind of "compromising" with raymond this afternoon. was with him. i almost chickened out of the would-be-meeting with M. he was telling not to, he was telling me to give it to him and not get scared. i guess, for me, that's the impossible.

i don't know what to do. :\ i'm willing to let go... let it all go. but is this what i want? :\ i'm tired of getting hurt for the past 2 years. i know this is stupid. i'm stupid, yes, i know. since i met him, i knew nothing but to love him. :\

my mistake. i know. everything was my mistake since we broke up. i never admitted it. but yes, everything was my fault. i knew, since then. i only blamed M for making me believe he's keeping the promise we made and for making me hope for nothing :\ i don't know. right now, i don't even know what to write...

well, this is the first time i'm not asking him to come back to me. :\ i'm not desperate. i love him, but i don't want to depend on the thought of him coming back.

i'll give it to him.
i'll show up tomorrow.
i'll talk to him.
whatever he says, whatever he may feel, i'd accept it.

yea, for the nth time.
i love M.
but i can't force him to love me ~~again~~.

hope tomorrow turns out okay. :\

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plus, hoping to get good grades!:)

Labels: babybear, bloggie, college, complicated, confessions, dlsu, holding on, letting go, life, love, marty, ouch, selfish, tears

words to live by...

""if you two are meant to be,"
someday you'll be together at the right time."

the girl

i am your bestfriend :)
a poet on the loose.
wanting a motorola U9 now.:))

the name's bianca. :) been living for 17 years now and a college frosh. currently in dlsu-m taking up bs ece :| a friend to all, an enemy to none. i am artsy in my own right. poems are my "thing". and i live by honesty. liars are off-limits here. got that? :)